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How to Start a Conversation on Tinder

You fill in the profile on Tinder, add your best photos and intriguing bio, sign up, and finally can start the main process. You are looking for a match and found a few people you want to start a conversation with. But what should you write when you’re tempting to type “Hi, how are you?”? Such a starter is a bad idea, so read on the article.

This how-to-start-a-conversation guide is relevant for all dating apps, not just Tinder!

Who should start chatting?

Some years ago, I would surely advise for women to wait until a man starts. But now woman starting a conversation (in a correct way) is very much appreciated.

Good Tinder Conversation Starters

1.Do not be trite

This means you should not start a conversation with “Hi” or “How are you.” Such starters do not show your real interest, intelligence, or creativity and thus might be ignored. Another scenario is when a person answers with a very similar combination of words and this will go nowhere, wasted match. It’s all that simple, the simplest tip in this article.



Hi, how are you?

Hello, how are you doing?


2. Be a researcher

Such an approach is always appreciated, as a person feels that you care about your conversation. To be personal, it’s a good idea to read her/his profile info, check out all photos, follow the Instagram profile if it’s mentioned in their bio.

Pick some feature or moment and develop that into a conversation. It can be a discussion of who you are – a cat or a dog person, where is the beach photo from, what movie is the best one in 2021, and so on. The main point is that it should be based on the personal information the other person has decided to reveal in the profile.

3. Figure out what you have in common

As you have already examined her/his Tinder profile, you should have already found what you have in common, which if your match activities, hobbies or preferences you also like. It can be traveling to particular countries (or traveling in general), some genre of movies, activities you also like doing on weekend.

Here is an example of such a message (your match has photos from Spain):

“Hey, I like your photo from Spain and I I adore Spain! Last year I’ve been there, and it was almost like in Eurotour….”

The key here is to be specific. For example, start with traveling in general, and then stop on some particular country you have visited and some funny or exited stories you have to share. But don’t forget to build a dialog, don’t make your match a passive listener!

Your task is to be attentive, and your conversation would have a smooth start.

4. Ask but don’t make a questionnaire

It can be easy to talk about yourself but asking the right question and listen to another person can be hard. A good way to start a convo is to ask questions. But there are two rules here: don’t be trite (with something like “How are you”) and don’t make a questionnaire out of this (if you bombarding with tens of brief questions without developing the dialogue).

You won’t be wrong if you send a message with a question about her/his profile, photos or profile.

But it’s an easy scenario when you have what to ask about. A more complicated one is when your match has almost a blank profile and a couple of neutral selfie photos there. In this case, start with some question that reveals widespread dilemmas.

Like “If we went to Europe together, would you prefer lying on the sunny beach on Cyprus, or visiting museums in Berlin?”

Or something more existential: “I would really like to know …if you could be anywhere in the world right now, where would you be?”

You can also start with a brief fact of what you are doing right now, like “I’ve been watching Breaking Bad before I came across your profile here… what is your favorite Netflix show?”

5. Share relevant info

Share some relevant news or information your match might be interested in (based on her/his profile) and develop that convo. For instance, when you see photos from Greece in your match’s profile, you can ask something like

“I see you’ve been to Denmark and I’ve recently heard that people there are mostly introverts. Have you noticed there?”

“Hi there! I see you’re from Solvang, and I’ve read about unbearable heat there. How are you surviving?”

6. Choose a funny start

It can be a really good start but it can be also very tricky. It’s good to make a funny starting, even a bit cocky. But make sure you know what you are doing as if done wrong (too banal, rude, or irrelevant), your message would be ignored!

You can start with some jokes related to how Tinder (or another dating app you’re using works), how meeting new people online feels like, how hard is to start a convo can be, etc.

An example is “Tinder says you’re my match for 10 h now and I’ve been so silent for such a long time! Apologies for my appalling manners. Hey, I’m Cam..!”

Additional Tips for Your First Message on Tinder

1. Check what you write

This means both spell checker (your profile info, your messages) and fact-checking. The first can be a deal-breaker for an educated person as they usually have an eye for such errors. The second means when you write about Ottawa, the capital of Canada you want to visit, you know that this is really its capital (cause it can be easy to say Toronto here)!

2. Follow the speed of your match

If the person answers fast it’s good to do the same, but if she/he answers once an hour, don’t be too fast and irritating.

3. Use compliments with caution

It’s probably not a good idea to write something like “Hi beauty” which is too used and impersonal. You should make it more personal or funny. For example, when you see a lot of selfies in her profile, send something like “I see you have pro-self-photo shooting skills”

Final thoughts

Online dating is really popular these days which means intense competition. That’s why how you start your conversation on Tinder is really important to make a real match and find a person to hang out with (or even to start a relationship!). So make it wise, be attentive, show you care and make a research first.